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Hello Vote Mister Squeaky The Giant Rubber Goth Bat For Mayor Fans!

I have to confess that when I was a very young bat, and easily influenced by other bats who should have known better, I was led into temptation and moral wickedness of all kinds. I know it was wrong and I deeply regret my actions now. I was young, foolish and headstrong. I didn't listen to my parents, I didn't listen to older and wiser bats who knew what the effects of taking illicit substances were.
Fortunately some three centuries later I am able to reflect on the time that I ate a whole Artemisia absinthium plant and spent the next month hallucinating wildly and believing that I was a fruit bat and I realise now that DRUGS ARE BAD FOR YOU. So I hope you'll bear my not-entirely heartfelt and less than sincere confession of guilt in mind when I'm looking for a job as a minister for the Home Office.