'Ello Playmates - Mister Squeaky Here!
You'll be pleased to know I've got over the shock of finding out that my Turnip Brandy had been contaminated with silicon (it comes from the same refinery as Tesco's Fuel doncherknow) not that it made any difference to the taste - it just slowed me right down and I just lacked any get up and go- in fact I had to be towed home by the RSPCA on Friday night after a bit too much finest old Turnip.
I'm very disappointed that I just can't find another victim with the same appeal as that bloke in spandex who used to sing with the darkness and is now writing stuff for eurovision. There's lots of really dull celebs these days and I just can't summon the energy to find out anything scandalous enough about them. So what if Britney's baldly gone into rehab and various others have got all sulky about not winning awards, they just don't seem to go in for being larger than life and twice as pompous any more.
Oh well It's a Giant Rubber Goth Bat's life....
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