Now at least Birmingham City Council are thinking along the right lines -Don't call the winter holiday period Christmas, you might offend people - now just take it to it's logical conclusion, get rid of the festive period completely. After all, most people don't celebrate the winter solstice (and the return of the Sun) instead they bleat on about immaculate conceptions - now I don't know exactly what that means but I can only assume that there was no damp patch for Mary to sleep in after her visitation... and babies being born in stables with assorted animals acting as midwives - an early script for Hilltop Hospital perhaps?
Oh what a Killjoy, what about the poor darling children faces all aglow (with sheer greed and envy)? Well they already get too much in my opinion. I'm just sick of being bombarded by reminders of how many shopping days are left, what sort of wonderful gift ideas the shops are pedalling and so on. It gets to something when you see gift ideas for invalids being touted by a certain formerly well-respected high street chemists... imagine their faces on Christmas day as they struggle to unwrap their well-wrapped gift only to discover that someone thinks so much of them that they are now the proud owner of an anti-haemorrhoid cushion with a washable tartan fleece cover.
And as for the supermarkets, precisely how many fancy biscuit assortments do they think a vampyre needs - (and none of them come in the shape of merrie festive ravens either). And as for the people who go out and purchase several trolley loads of Christmas goodies (always it seems when I've just popped out to get some blood flavour milk for the bat) - pay attention - THE SHOPS ARE SHUT FOR ONE DAY ONLY - WHY DO YOU REALLY NEED TO BUY SEVENTEEN OVEN READY TURKEYS, AN INDUSTRIAL SIZE CONTAINER OF PAXO AND ENOUGH MINCE PIES TO FEED THE FIVE THOUSAND
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT - CALL ME A BLACK AND WHITE MINT FLAVOURED BOILED SWEET ANYTIME
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