Those Crazy Bears!

Just nipped down to local Tesco as it's the cheapest place around to get a C41 film processed and transferred to cd and discovered that the Crazy Bears were in town. Now I know it's easy to get carried away with newspeak and be politically correct about things that we feel are important but in this case using words like "crazy" and "mad" along with the foolish capers of a compere with a regional accent (presumably couldn't get a job with children's television) and a bunch of "resting" actors dressed as giant and deeply unlovable Crazy Bears has really irritated me, especially considering the negative press that is generated when people become unwell and are let down by the overstretched system (for example Michael Buchanan)
So here's my considered and professional opinion on the mental health of the bears of dubious sanity. From a strictly behavioural point of view the blue bear did not show any overt signs of depression, indeed quite the reverse suggesting in fact a hypomanic episode. Speech was of accelerated rate and flow with atypical pronunciation (although I do accept that this may have been due to the muffling effect of the plush fabric the snout appeared to be constructed from). The pink bear on the other hand was wringing its paws quite a lot and appeared to be hand washing, thus suggesting OCD or anxiety at being found moonlighting from a lucrative contract as an extra on Crimewatch. Neither bear appeared to be responding to hallucinations. Due to the large crowd of frightened children at the edge of the stage it was not possible to carry out any further testing of cognitive function.

Now as for the presenter of this spectacle, words cannot convey my utter contempt for this pathetic specimen - I would suggest treatment by genitally applied ECT.