Why are there hordes of people in the shops buying enormous quantities of food (most of which I suspect will end up as landfill)? I mean it's not as if the shops are shutting for a week and I'm sure little Johnny would be more than happy to discover that as part of his Christmas present mummy has not bought any sprouts for his dinner.
And while we're at it why is turkey with "all the trimmings" (a rather tasteless sausage wrapped in bacon, cranberry jam and an assortment of over boiled vegetables) considered to be a splendid Yuletide feast? As far as I can see it is a foreign import just like the cola drinking fat man in a red and white suit and inserting a pine tree in the front room to guarantee needles in the carpet for the rest of the year. Mister Squeaky (who has been speculating with produce) says that roast cormorant is a very tasty dish indeed and should be everybody's choice next year especially when served with myrrh infused walrus blubber and papaya ice cream a la Heston Blumenthal...we shall see.
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