Field Marshal Squeaky

It's just not fair - bats are being studied by mad scientists in the hope of designing some new sort of military technology - why not just ask me. I'm perfectly happy to do anything to help out so long as I get a field marshal's knapsack in my baton or whatever they give out these days, plus all they need to do is provide for my basic needs (turnip brandy and lots of it and a sack of Bombay mix) and explain exactly what it is that the enemy has been doing that's so terrible (like listening to Lily Allen) and needs my immediate attention and I'll be off to dribble horribly in their ears whilst they sleep. Just so long as an adoring public don't try to pin medals on me 'cos I'll have their fingers off soon as blink.