The Laws of Conspiracy Theory

As you lot out there are no doubt aware I'm quite keen on conspiracy theories, especially when they contain more than the usual amount of nonsense - you know the sort of thing - Jack the Ripper was an alien clone of Prince Albert who was never found because he flew off with the Greys just as Abberline of the Yard was closing in for the arrest, and he reappeared 75 years later in the book repository to assassinate Kennedy.
This afternoon I was dragging my way through a book (very poor style of writing owing much to Bram Stoker) about the Shroud of Turin and how it was faked by da Vinci, when I had a sudden flash of inspiration and realised that there are some universal laws which can be applied to conspiracy theory and so here they are in rough and unpolished form for your delight and edification and if you don't agree you're obviously in the thrall of one or more of the organisations mentioned below...

1. Get a Royal connection (not necessarily British but it will help UK and American sales) the most obvious recent example being Princess Diana

2. If at all possible you need some kind of link to the occult, preferably a tenuous link to Aleistair Crowley or the Golden Dawn e.g. so-and-so's great grandmother once saw them shopping in a grocer's in Hastings so it must be true.

3. Involve the Freemasons, they're a secret society so they must be guilty of something, even if it is only guilt by speculation. If you can also relate this to the Knights Templar somehow even better.

4. Make vague accusations without any real evidence about another person or persons who are carrying out research in your field of interest. If they're dead even better because then they can't threaten you with law suites for libel.

5. Blame it on syphilis, mental disorder or an inherited trait.

6. If all else fails and you can't find anything at all to explain something just claim it was created by Leonardo da Vinci (note well Mister Squeaky Leonardo Dicaprio did not, I repeat did not, paint the Last Supper, whatever it says in Old Squeaky's Almanac and Book of Days)