Insomnia

Lucky lucky Maxi Jazz, at least he can aspire to making mad love to his girl on the Heath (tearing off tights with his teeth)* when he can't sleep, best I can do is think about what I would do IF I had a girl and we were in the vicinity of Hampstead Heath (but not the Vale of Health - too great a risk of running into MPs on "Badger Patrol" if you know what I mean...) anyway I' ve not slept properly for the last three nights and I'm getting just a little past the sell by date.
I've tried everything, hot milky drinks, avoiding caffeine (not a good idea - the withdrawal symptoms just make it worse), various relaxation techniques, yoga breathing, getting up and going back to bed after a while, eating hallucinogenic cheese in the hope of visions of delight instead of fuzzy non-sleep thoughts. Finally and in desperation I have been to the 'Nam (Dagenham) in search of the holy grail of insomniacs - a good night's sleep and returned with a brown elixir from the arms of Morpheus himself - Jägermeister. If no proper sleep tonight I'll just have to resort to more draconian measures - unless there are any volunteers for dental hosiery removal of course**....

* Faithless - Insomnia -Reverence/Irreverence CD
** of course I'm a disgusting twisted pervert - It's part of my appeal!