I found this rather suspicious* bat-chewed document the other day as I was cleaning the dungeon out ready to fill it with a heap of riches beyond belief (well my horde of chilli powder anyway) which claims to be based on the Michaelangelo Code (?!) and reveals certain truths about the future of humanity as kept secret for centuries by the Knights of the Order of the Priory of the Temple of the Eye of The Little Yellow God....
The predictions for 2007 are (in reverse order)
December - Cliff Richard will renounce his faith and release a Yule song entitled "Virgins defiled by Blood Sacrifices to Satanus Imperator"
November - The Turner Prize will be won by an anonymous bin man from Camden Council with an avant-garde freeform sculpture entitled "Honest Mate, I'm just piling it up for the crew to collect"
October - Ken Livingstone finally admits that he said that the Olympics would cost each Londoner a Walnut Whip each week because he moonights on the Nestlé production line.
September - Due to a serious printing error at the International Commission for Calendars there is no September in 2007, just an extended August.
August - Scientific Tests prove conclusively that David Icke was right and George W. Bush really IS a giant alien lizard man
July - Gordon Brown takes part in Strictly Come Dancing to show the Labour Party that he's a worthy successor to Tony Blair
June - Absolutely nothing at all happens during June as the National Union of Journalists go on strike in a protest about Nicholas Witchell being a right Royal Sycophant.
May - Top Secret Cabinet papers released under the 30 year rule will reveal that 1977 was really really dull.
April - Noel Edmonds is kidnapped by the Gameshow Liberation Front and will only be set free if the Banker makes an offer to take Deal or No Deal off the air permanently.
March - Saturday Morning Kids TV is banned after Danni Filth is invited to be a guest presenter on TMi
February - von Squeakenstein's monster goes on the rampage causing tens of pence worth of damage to the stock of Romford Oxfam.
January - Celebrity Big Brother will be won by Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, who will later be disqualified as more than three people have heard of him.
*suspicious as to both it's authenticity and authorship**
**being badly written in blood red crayon is just a bit of a giveaway
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