Public Transport

Courtesy of the car deciding that what it would really like for Samhain was a new head gasket I'm having the joy of using public transport this week, not that it's changed for the better since the last time I had to use it.
For a start I would ban children with non-Jamie Oliver snacks from sitting behind you on the bus, making crunching noises and then belching to give you the full benefit of their pickled onion flavour monster munch scented breath - if they want to eat junk food they should be made to walk to school in all weathers, the exercise should help to counter the fat content of their artificial snacks.
Secondly ban iPods and wankers with mobile phones which have novelty ringtones - the penalty for these items should be to have them ritually inserted into one of their body cavities sideways - may I recommend the maxilliary sinus for a first offence and the rectum for the second. Do it a third time and get the death penalty. And don't even start me on people with push chairs the size of a transit van.