Pornstars

Honestly, the things I do for you people. I should get a major reseach grant for all this investigation that I do. Anyway, as I was stalking the supermarket in search of a victim - whoops sorry that should read 'Dinner', I started thinking (as you do in these idle moments) about what the names pornstars give themselves are all about . Just for the record I was strolling down the dead animal flesh aisle at the time so there could be a connection here....

Now its quite obvious what most of the blokes are about with names like Ivor Hardwood and Buck Rear (can't guess his speciality can we?) , but the 'ladies' -look, I'm trying to be polite here - with names like Angel Teeze and Crystall Titts (and they probably will be if it gets cold enough for the silicone to set) are not always quite so obvious - but the surname is usually a clue as to the sort of antics they get up to on screen. How about naming yourselves a bit more honestly - low rent tarts with no acting skills and significant plastic surgery.

As an aside I've just found David Attenborough and a film crew hiding in my curtains - claiming to be making a documentary about the rare and elusive creature Macroglossus gothicus latexii which in translation means Long Tongued Rubber Goth Bat - explains why Mister Squeaky hid when I got the phone bill and wondered about all the calls to television centre.