Haunted

There are times, and this is one, where I feel really haunted by things that could have been...if only. There I've said them, possibly the two saddest words when put together. "If only I'd [fill in your regrets here]...."
And then I get to thinking that it's all my fault, usually when it's something where another person is involved, but I seem to be completely unable to even consider that they were the one at fault. Even if I do start thinking that way it usually ends up in self recrimination because I shold have seen what they were really like or what they really meant to say, because I'm too fragile at times that I just think things are due to my own lack of judgement.
So can I break out of this Circle of Regrets? Perhaps I shouldn't even think about it because it's part of who I am, and the loss of even one flawed part could be the start of some kind of personal disintegration, there again perhaps what's going on is part of that disintegration.
The worst part of it all is that because I know full well what is going to happen I try to keep away from situations where I might be vulnerable, so I don't let people get too close and that comes across as arrogance and aloofness, which just adds to the feelings of regret. And that's why sometimes I feel so alone and empty and depressed and when I really need someone to get close to, someone who can make me feel OK about myself there's no-one there and so the story ends...