Thursday, August 04, 2005

(Glovepuppet) Theatres des Vampires

Well I've said all I want to for now about the offensive vermin that inhabit the Really Scary Circus. But I haven't talked about the underlings, yes that's right folks, the ones who are like scared rabbits caught in the headlights. So let me introduce the (Drumroll please Mr Squeaky) Roadkill Glovepuppet Theatre.
There are four creatures which make up the theatre: Meaningless, Pointless, Brainless and The Vindictive Cow. So who do I hate the most and why? (Squeaky flies off and comes back with a leather psychiatrists couch - after all he is a giant rubber goth bat).
The Vindictive Cow is the object of my deepest hatred, someone who pretends to be sympathetic, who tells you her concerns, leads you to trust her and then - just when you think you've got some serious problems, trebles the burden by shitting on you from a great height and then caps it off by making a statement along the lines of "I always told you he was a rank bad hat". Her theme tune is "It wasn't me"
Next on the list is Brainless the flat hedgehog. Name says it all, thinks you're interested in her mundane existence, well let me tell you-I'm not interested in the antics of your child substitute (dog to the layman), I cannot imagine any circumstances where I would want to hear a story about your husband's injured knee and the holiday in Greece. Do me a favour, Die slowly and alone.
As for Pointless the flat cat. What is your purpose? Why do you exist? Why continue the torment? End it all now and stop stealing other people's oxygen.
Finally Meaningless the unidentifyable smear on your tyres, (time for a shameless plug, free CD please if you read this) Abigail's Mercy did a song the lyrics of which suit you to a 'T'


No comments: