Pronounced How?

One of the many joys of the English language is that there are loads of rules designed especially to catch out foreigners and riff-raff so those who have had the benefit of a proper education can laugh at their efforts. I mean you just have to consider the dilemma posed by the plurals of mouse/house - how come its mice and houses but not hice or mouses? Now whilst this is all very entertaining and probably one of the few amusements for immigration officers who spend their days looking at passports and have to determine whether the passengers looks different enough from their photos to be genuine or not (for the record on my passport I look like a young Lech Walesa - what's your excuse?) this does not excuse those fools with silly surnames that they insist on being spelled at odds with the pronunciation.
I mean for goodness sakes if your name is pronounced Fanshawe why spell it Featherstonehaugh or if its spelled D E A T H why say you name is DEEARPH unless this is a vain effort to appear to be a part of the upper classes and therefore automatically due a not unreasonable amount of ridicule for being a genetic recessive and evolutionary dead end.

As a complete aside my faithful Giant Rubber Goth Bat is very unhappy having seen a television advert where something was described as being Squeaky Clean. He wishes to make it quite clear that he does not do housework of any kind and that cleaning is something that happens to other people's slaves.