Sporting Life

As I am sure many of you out there in the alternate reality which is everyday life are aware, sport and recreation is something that I do not have a lot of time for. Let's get this clear this is not because I'm so busy I have no time for "fun" but because so much of what is provided is completely and utterly pointless.

Team sports are clearly out because I'm not the most sociable of people and in any case I had more than enough of football/rubgy/cricket at school to last probably more than one lifetime.
So then what about golf? I hear you cry, well what about it? Oscar Wilde was quite right - a good walk wasted. If I wanted to try to get a small projectile onto an equally small target I'd have joined the Royal Artillery - and their toys also make a loud bang when you play with them and you don't need a large selection of golf sticks or a mobile umbrella stand to keep them in either or have to wear a hideous yellow pringle sweater.

Then there are all these new spectator sports that they seem to have on in the afternoon to make the housebound suicidal - bowls, snooker, darts, curling, snap, dominoes and whatever else they can find to make really really dull television. I'm sure these pastimes are fine if you take part but please please don't put them on the television - crown green bowls is enough to make you want to lie down in front of a steamroller.

So what I need really is some goth friendly alternative sports - extreme shopping in Resurrection, moping around in the Dev and so on...