Essex Pride

Enough is enough. Now let us get a few facts straight. Essex is not the natural home of the chav and chavette - their ancestors were unfortunate imports at the end of the second world war when they were decanted from the east end into the so-called Thames Corridor - and there are equally vile persons on the other side of the water in Kent. They were also sent to maximum security new towns like Basildon, South Woodham Ferrers Wickford and Harlow New Town but for some reason they managed to break down the fences and escape when someone wasn't looking.

So really they are transplanted cockneys without any of the charm or traditions (knees-ups, Chas 'n' Dave, Pie 'n' Mash and Pearly Kings, Queens, Princesses and so on) who are deeply unattractive and should be culled every so often by large bearded Canadians armed with seal clubs, so it saddens me to see one of them win "Celebrity Gulag IV - Return of the Weirdos"

Secondly there was culture in Essex long before it had become fashionable in other parts of the UK - Roman Colchester for example was all very nice until some Ipswich chavette called Boudicca decided to go on a shopping trip in the Latin version of Lakeside and got a bit miffed when she was caught shoplifting...so don't tell me we're all as thick as footballers thank you very much.