Spam. That's what this is about. Obvious really. Typically we all get sent junk emails, these fall into only a few categories so for those of you who give a damn here you are:
Begging letters - generally from africa or iraq - "I'm a refugee who's left all his money behind - I need a gullible fool to swindle to be the front for a dodgy company and I'll run and leave you deep in the poo"
Online Drugs - half of which I've never heard of but I'm guessing that they are all vasodilators of the viagra type. usually sold as "Grow a penis!" Sorry mate but it works fine - opportunities for use (i.e. a partner), however, do not come in tablet form - unless Doktor Squeakenstein's hideous experiments ever bear fruit (That's one seriously deranged bat I'm telling you)
Mail order Russian Brides - "Helo my name Elena I love you very much" Look you silly bint, I've never met you, I don't want to meet you and it's extremely unlikely that I would "love" you - you're just looking for a passport - so fuck off back to the Urals.
Anyone offering make $$$'s in days through their revolutionary internet scam - "Just email me $1 and I'll send you a list of people to sent an email and ask for $1 from" Why not just save $1 every time you get this sort of email then you'll be rolling in money
Pornographic webcams - "Hi I'm Cindy and I like people to watch me get off on my webcam come and join me" - If I want to see a fifth-rate stripper perform in a seedy back room along with a load of other bored blokes I'm sure I can findy plenty of pubs who put them on thinking they're a little bit "naughty" Oooh Missus!
Maplin Electronics - I ordered something from them online 2 years ago, yes that's right 2 years ago. I still receive unwanted offers for all sorts of electronic devices to make my life more complicated and pointless. I'm not interested in the latest thin-film technology nanopower super titanium shelled remote access internet ready alarm clock breadmaker with solar powered muffin warmer thanks. I've tried to unsubscribe, I've blocked the sender, I've bounced the emails but they still come back. These are the most irritating of all the spam I receive. Any more and I'll go into spam rage, go to their head office in Westcliffe and force feed the MD a catering size tin of spam - sideways - see how he likes it!
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