Moscow Brides

I received an email today from my previously unknown (to me) Russian girlfriend, Svetlana asking how I was. Hear for your edification is my reply.

Dear Svetlana (or should it be Boris the teenage hacker?)

Thank you for enquiring about my health, I'm pleased to say that I have some and every day that I don't see you my mental health improves. I hope you enjoyed your holiday in the mine - tell me what sort was it, I hope that it was a uranium mine deep inside the Arctic circle.
I'm very pleased that you have "friends that can walk on both sides of the street", presumably this means that they now have pavements in the Gulag where I'm sure you are currently residing having been convicted for embezzlement and false accounting.
I particularly enjoyed the photograph you sent and I'm really pleased to meet a fellow fan of Suze Randall's erotic photography, if I'm not mistaken it was one of her photos of Veronika Zemanova wasn't it?
Yours etc.

There's one born every minute, glad it ain't me :-)