Eurovision Time

Mister Squeaky has become just too excited and he's had to be locked into the Lichen Fort here at the Schloss without either turnip brandy or bombay mix. The reason for this extreme measure is not cruelty but rather the prevention of criminal and/or antisocial acts should his chosen nation either win or lose the Eurovision song contest.
Riding high on last year's success as a Eurovision pundit (like Mr McCririck but with less jewellery and a smaller deerstalker) he has predicted that Verka Serduchka from the Ukraine should be the winner - this is based on the bizarre dress sense of the singer who has more than a passing resemblance to Elton John - that and the fact that there is controversy in Ukraine over their choice of song with effigies being burnt in the street and other shows of public disaffection.

Meanwhile the UK's entry "Scooch" sounds more like a cat repellent for putting on your prize dahlias. Clearly my votes for Necrosadistic Goat Torture were not counted...