Just returned from the 'Nam. That's right Dagen'am. Well dodgy place. Street corners covered in chavs and chavettes. You can barely see anything but Burberry and Von Chav clothing. Baseball caps to the left and right. I am definitely feeling the need for air mobility, that'd make shopping more of a challenge for everyone else.
We've all seen the Vientnam movie stuff with troop laden choppers landing troops into rice paddies whilst gunships whizz about liberally sprinkling the surrounding countryside with rockets and machine gun fire. Now translate this scene to the car park of any large supermarket. Troops form secure perimeter - happy shoppers being held at gunpoint before forced evacuation to a strategic hamlet for their own protection. Meanwhile inside absolute bliss with shop completely empty. Rude and inconsiderate staff being forced to comply at gunpoint or suffer the consequences - and no queue at the checkout whilst someone trys to pay for a loaf of bread with their debit card and they can't remember the PIN.
Then back into the chopper and away - might even get home before the ice cream melts. Finally two suns in the sunset as Phantom jets swoop down and napalm Tesco's out of existence. Cue the Music Mister Squeaky (scene fades to sound of Orff's O Fortuna)
Really must stop watching Platoon before going shopping....
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