Have just had to nip out to get some milk, that's probably about as exciting as things get on a Tuesday around here, but anyway to my horror the checkout people in Tesco's appear to have been forced, possibly at gunpoint, to wear festive hats along with their rather tasteless uniforms. Add to this the usual sullen misery of the checkout operator - especially the one who likes she's on the verge of committing suicide (and to be perfectly honest I don't like the woman and hope she succeeds - getting my change wrong twice in a row is unforgivable) and we have a recipe for a very joyous occasion.
Now the other thing with these bloody supermarkets is that they seem to believe in popular psychology - you know the sort of thing - French music to make you buy french wine, Italian music for pasta, german music for launching an invasion of Poland and so on. So I wouldn't be suprised if they try this tactic with seasonal stuff - salvation army brass ensemble to convince you that you've always wanted twenty dozen mince pies and a crate of cranberry sauce and so on. Now the question is can I get into the supermarket and adjust the music in a (ahem!) scientific way to manipulate the public.
So following discussions with that renowned expert on all kinds of sonic experimentation - Herr Doktor Squeakenstein (Der grosse gothische gummifledermaus) we predict that sale of following items would occur:
Screaming Banshee Aircrew - Deliriously - chocolate ice cream and sunday socks
Inkubus Sukkubus - Belladonna and Aconite - herbal remedies and sickbags
The Gathering - How to measure a planet? - Tape measures (obviously)
Garbage - Bleed like me - sticking plasters
Britney Spears - Hit me one more time - very large mallets
We are not so sure what would happen if the Scary Bitches "lesbian vampires from outer space" was played but we both agree wholeheartedly that it could only improve the shopping experience.
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