Number Two

Due to superhuman godlike powers - and a little imbibing of a certain brown alcoholic liquid from the North East corner of England I am now suitably refreshed and raring to go on the commandments business.
Now most religions seem to have a lot to say about not committing random naughty acts such as nicking stuff, sleeping with your neighbours wife, killing people and so on - just so they can claim the moral high ground - well at least until it all comes out about the systematic molestation of choir boys, becoming outrageously pissed on communion wine and running off with the organist's sister (ain't the church of jesus wonderful?). The exception, of course, is the church of satan which basically says do things if you want to and hey it don't matter a damn - this is clearly not a particularly ethical step to take as, if you're not careful, you'll get the blame for all kinds of unwholesome things ranging from infections in sheep to Marilyn Manson's dubious goth-tinged shock rock. So followers there's only really one commandment I can make as the head of an ethical and responsible religion (buy now whilst stocks last) ready 'cos this is a good one:

Commandment Number Two - "Do what you want to - just don't say that I said it was OK"

That's enough of that for now - keep those chisels and stone tablets at the ready for the next thrilling installment