How many Commandments?

I've decided that as this is the time of year for the birth of certain religions that perhaps it's time I started my own. After all you just have to look at the benefits, you can tell people what to do, decide when you want holidays and, in the case of certain evangelical American preachers virtually tell everyone to give you lots and lots of money (however you then have to be caught spending it in brothels and give your wife Tammy a grovelling apology on live TV).
Having first decided on a name that's acceptable (No, No, No, You silly Giant Rubber Goth Bat! - the Church of Mister Squeaky is not sensible enough to appeal to the terminally gullible), the problem comes with deciding on how many commandments you should have, and what the penalties for sinning against them should be. Now some of the religions that started out in the Middle East have a lot of laws relating to diet, usually based on the freshness and keeping abilities of foodstuffs - I mean if they really wanted to eat shellfish I'm sure they would have been the first to invent refrigerators...But Hey that gives me an idea - don't eat stuff that makes you sick - so here goes:

Commandment Number One - "Thou shalt not eat the meat of the Kebab"

Phew, this being a deity business is exhausting work, I'm off to rest for several days before deciding on another commandment.
In the mean time don't do anything that might offend me or I'll have to smite you a bit - now where's the handbook for the lightning machine.....